Mani He
by Joseph Carrabis
What if you’ve acquired your dream job but destroyed another man’s life and career to get it? And what if the president of your company hands you a rifle and the keys to his mountain cabin with the instructions, “Bring me back something to make me proud”? And what if the spirits in the mountains have their own ideas of what it means to be proud?
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Table of Contents parts: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 |
part 5
Mani He hadn’t walked far when he tripped over something and fell down. He grabbed for a nearby vine and, once it was in his hand, he couldn’t let go. Suddenly there were several vines around him, whipping around faster than he could follow and tying him up as if he were in a cocoon. Another vine went splat against his back and he was lifted into the air.
“Now what?” He looked up into eight cold eyes and two wicked-looking fangs.
“Hello, Mani He,” said Spider. The web thrummed with her words. She crawled down until she was in front of him and stretched her legs out along the lines of her web. She looked common enough for a spider. Her body was hairy and, where there was no hair, shiny. Her eyes were dark, and Mani He was surprised to see her focusing on him with them. “You’re doing well, child. Most people are frightened by me.”
“I’m pretty scared, Spider. You frighten me, too.”
“Yes,” she quelled, “I can feel your quaking in my web.”
She crept closer and Mani He could see her pedipalps on either side of her fangs. The end of each pedipalp had a large spongelike pad which she used to carry things and eat with. Looking at her, feeling her so close and feeling himself trapped in her webbing, he grew even more afraid. “Please don’t, Mother. You... the way you look... what you are... terrifies me!”
She raised her fangs over him.
“Are you going to kill me, Spider?”
“Only you can decide if the penetration is a bite or a kiss.”
Her fangs came down, and Mani He slept.
He awoke still in the web but out of the webbing which held him. He discovered he could move about it easily and enjoyed the sensation it gave him. How high up he was, or where he was in relation to anything else, he didn’t know. He was swinging from thread to thread when suddenly he saw Mother Spider leap up from under a leaf.
He lost his grip and started to fall. All about him he saw the Standing People, now far larger than before, and far below the ground rushing up to him.
Six strong legs, thin as swords yet strong as steel beams, wrapped around him gently and firmly. “Mani He!” exclaimed Spider. “You frightened me. I was afraid you’d fall all the way before I could catch you.”
With strong tugs, Spider lifted herself and Mani He back to her web. Her legs came away from him as something wet and sticky splatted across his back. “There,” said Spider as she placed several turns of her webbing over his shoulder. “Now you can explore without killing yourself. Very important, you know.” She tied off the other end to the center of her web. “If you need me, just tug on this. I’ll come a-runnin’.”
A fly buzzed past them and got caught high up in her web. “Ooh,” she said, her excitement thrumming her web as the fly struggled. “Lunch, lunch, lunch. You hungry, little one?”
“No, thank you, Mother. The way you eat is” — he tried to be tactful but opted for honesty instead — “kind of gross.”
“To some, yes. But I make no excuses for it. I know who I am and what I am and am comfortable with it. I know my own truths and never deny them. What would be the point? To lie to myself? If I don’t have myself as a friend, child, there is no one to befriend me.”
The fly’s struggles drew her attention away. “Would you excuse me, child?”
He nodded and she scuttled up her web to where the fly lay in wait.
* * *
As night came over the web, Mani He gathered his safety line and tied it off to make both a hammock and a web cave, thus keeping himself out of the wind and any rain, should it come.
Halfway asleep, he had strange visions. A city, the place where he worked and the people he knew. Old Man Brumhall appeared as a raven, and a rabbit wore Haggedorn’s clothes. He felt a gentle shaking of his web home and woke up. “Yes?”
“It’s me, Mani He,” said Spider. “You were crying out in your sleep and I grew concerned for you. Are you alright?”
“Just a bad dream, Mother. How come you didn’t come in to wake me?”
She laughed. It made her pedipalps and fangs clang and rasp together. “I can’t come in there, Mani He. That’s your space. You made it comfortable for you. That means it’s a mirror of your Sacred Space, the space within you where only you can go. Only you and others by your invitation. So I can’t enter. I can stand and guard. And you were asleep. When you sleep — when you sleep — that’s Coyote’s time.”
“I had a dream about Coyote. Actually, about Raven and Rabbit and Coyote. Are Raven and Rabbit my teachers also?”
She wiped her eyes with a pedipalp. “Everything is your teacher, Mani He. You have to decide the lesson.”
“Could you help me with this lesson?”
“Of course, child. You have Coyote, and of the three I think he’s best. Coyote’ll laugh at you and laugh at himself, and you can learn to laugh at yourself before any others do if you learn him well. Rabbit can laugh at himself, but only if others show him the joke. Raven is a trickster, as are the other two, but Raven can never laugh at himself and doesn’t like others to, either.
“You dreamt of men who trick themselves and don’t laugh at their own jokes, men who think they are incapable of being jokes.”
“Sounds like Haggedorn and the Old Man.”
“If they are your teachers, what is their lesson?”
“I don’t know.”
“Then you must go inside, into your Sacred Space, to find the answer.”
“No, I... no.”
“Your journey isn’t always going to be an easy one, so take your time. Remember what Hummingbird taught you and let your goal be your guide. Now your goal is to find the place inside you that you’ve lost. Take all the time you need. I’ll stand outside here and guard you. No one will pass until you are through.”
* * *
It was morning again. Morning on a desert, similar to Lizard’s and very unlike Coyote’s. There were different colored stones all around; the ground was not sandy but dry. Cacti, the kind called “Mexican Old Men,” were everywhere. The sky was clear blue without a cloud, and Grandfather Sun was chasing Grandmother Moon on the horizon.
He took a step and tripped on a rock.
“Sorry,” said the rock.
Mani He jumped back. “Oh, my gosh. I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were there.”
The rock sprouted legs, a tail, and a head, and Mani He saw it was an armadillo. “Did I hurt you?”
“Nope, not at all. Come on.” Armadillo waddled off towards one of the cacti. “Heard you had a dream last night. You thirsty?” They stopped at one of the cacti.
“More like a nightmare. And yes, very.”
“Dig at the base of this old man, will you?” Before Armadillo could say another word, Mani He had dug half his body into the ground. “Pretty good, son. Lizard teach you that? Now, tell me about your nightmare.”
Mani He told him, now adding his journey into his Sacred Space and his beliefs that the men in the dream were himself and some of the others he worked with.
“Sounds scary, especially if you don’t like the way you saw yourself in that dream.”
“It is scary. I don’t want to be like that.”
“What did Coyote teach you?”
“To go after the sweet dreams and avoid the nightmares.”
“Good. Now, let me show you how to do it.” Armadillo curled himself into a little ball and once again looked like a brightly shining rock.
“How will that help me avoid going towards my nightmares?”
“Don’t worry, we’re getting close. What did you learn from Spider?”
“My Sacred Space will keep me from going towards my nightmares?”
“Close, and this is where I come in. Everyone goes towards their dreams or the nightmares in two ways. The first way is the way everybody starts going to one or the other, they reach for it; you want to become your dreams, you reach for them. You want to become your nightmares, you reach for them. Eventually you become them, one or the other. You can never be both. If you try to be both, Nightmare always wins.”
“Okay.”
“Once you’ve started reaching, others see you reaching. Those who go towards their own nightmares pull you and push you towards yours. Those who travel towards their own dreams help and guide you towards your own sweet dreams. Now we put everything together. Your Sacred Space, if you listen to it and feel it moving inside you, if you’re willing to learn — in your case — Spider’s lesson, you’ll know when you’ve gone too far towards your nightmares and not far enough towards your dreams.”
“Mmmm. I realized that last night,” Mani He said, rubbing the wounds where his Sacred Space dwelt inside him.
“So when you go too far towards what you don’t want, when others pull and push you towards your nightmares, let your armor shine like the blackest nights. Show them your warrior spirit, tell them to beware your boundaries.”
“Usually it’s not that easy.”
“That is when you must have courage, Mani He. Warriors fight many things, and all of them are afraid.”
“I know it’s okay to be afraid,” said Mani He. “How do I get courage?”
Armadillo laughed. It wasn’t as unpleasant as Spider’s. His armor rattled and his tail thumped against the ground. “By saying you’re afraid and letting your fear guide your path. If you listen to it, it will bring you back to wherever you’re safe. You’re supposed to have fear, Mani He. It’s a gift from the Great Mystery. It lets you know when you’ve gone too far. The more you accept your fear, the greater your courage will become.”
Mani He noticed that Great Star Nation had come out. He sat and scooped some water into his mouth. “It’s been a long day.”
“Sure has. You hungry?”
Mani He nodded.
“You ever eat chicken?”
“Yeah.”
“Then you’ll love armadillo. Chicken tastes just like it. Armadillo is a little sweeter. Of course, you’d have to expect that from such a glorious animal, wouldn’t you?”
* * *
Copyright © 2022 by Joseph Carrabis
