Owmapow’s Side Job
by Channie Greenberg
Dr. Owen Brownstone:
I have organized a Science Writing course for a small group at my academy, but the intended instructor is suddenly unavailable. Would you be interested?
Please be in touch. The course is scheduled to start next week. My number is 766-4342. Alternatively, you could message me via Facebook.
Thank you.
Liad Filot
* * *
Liad:
It was nice to speak with you on the phone. I look forward to meeting with you on Monday morning, at 9:30. Meanwhile, I await my contract. I understand that I will begin work on Wednesday.
Attached, please find my CV. Per writing samples, please see the links, below, to: “Crustaceans in Deep Space,” in Creatures and Flowers, “The Care and Feeding of Rabid Hedgehogs” in Smarmy Friends, “The Elephant’s Toe” in Crazed Critters, and “Squamata’s Big Dance” in Squeaks and Roars.
After I’ve scanned, countersigned, and returned the contract to you, I’ll work on the syllabus. If there is anything more you need from me, please let me know. I look forward to joining your staff.
Owen
* * *
Owen:
Your contract is attached. It’s informal but suffices.
Liad.
* * *
Dwayne:
Emailing me incomplete homework hours before a class meeting is NOT the way to succeed. You are falling significantly behind. When you miss class, you miss discussions of homework and, more importantly, you miss all of the vital syntheses of ideas. I will neither spend extra time responding to your work because you emailed it to me in lieu of showing up to class, nor will I spend extra time catching you up on weeks’ worth of classroom goings-on. I suggest that you show up next week, ON TIME, and that you show up to all subsequent class meetings.
Otherwise, consider dropping this course. There are other schools as well as private teachers that offer online lessons if you dislike face-to-face learning. Additionally, if your life is complicated by challenges, there are resources available for addressing them.
Frustratedly,
Dr. Owen Brownstone
* * *
Dr. Brownstone:
I emailed the homework as a practical substitute for printing it. I didn’t expect you to follow up or to tutor me. Do not spend any extra time on my behalf! I know I’m falling behind, but it’s my choice. I’m not expecting or asking for assistance. I’m giving your course my best effort... I’m taking part in it as much as I can. I know I’m not on the level of my classmates. Still, I know it’s up to you to decide if I qualify for the certificate of mastery.
I’m gaining a lot from the course and am enjoying it. Perhaps, I’m not working at the highest level. Yet, I’m gaining enough that the course is worthwhile. If you feel my behavior bothers you or the other students, I would consider withdrawing. Yet, since I’m gaining from the course, I plan to continue. I will try my best to come on time, etc. Thanks for your concern.
Dwayne
* * *
Dwayne:
Students have to print their homework and bring it with them to class. It is my job, as your instructor, to help out where needed. My help, though, can’t substitute for your homework or for your attendance.
You are an intelligent young man possessed of wonderful rudimentary skills. Classes are for developing what’s already innate :) Please come to class.
“Certificate?” Whereas you are lacking in both attendance and homework, you cannot pass the class, let alone receive any notice of merit.
Dr. Brownstone
* * *
Owen:
Please do not address students so forcefully and, also, PLEASE do not suggest that they need help in life; it is very insulting.
I thought we agreed that I would speak with Dwayne. I will do so softly, but firmly. He is in my History of The United States course. He shows up for it, so don’t tell him he’s not showing up at all.
Liad
* * *
Liad:
Oh! I’m sorry. I took for granted certain things, such as the integrity of this program.
Related, what is meant by students “receiving a certificate of mastery” at the completion of this course? Had Dwayne not mention such a document, I would not have known about it. Please fill me in on the specifics.
Owen (Owmapow)
* * *
Owmapow:
Sorry, the sent button got pressed by accident. What I meant to say was “Phew! What a relief! We are lucky that Dwayne is a generous person. It could very well have gone the other direction. I don’t like legal dealings. Even without litigious communications, we must protect the reputation of our school.
Going forward, please, please, even though you may be right, tread cautiously when interacting with students. Thank you very much.
Don’t worry about the certificate. It’s an administrative matter. I’l take care of sending them out.
Liad Filot
* * *
Dr. Brownstone:
Hi. It’s Dwayne Gilunk from your Science Writing course. Sorry to disturb you. I’m working on next week’s homework and I’m having a problem. I tried the URLs for the second and third assigned readings, but they didn’t work. I then tried the key words and they, too, didn’t work. I would appreciate some help. Thanks.
Dwayne
* * *
Dwayne:
It could be your browser. I have been having trouble with Firefox this past week and, hence, switched to Chrome. I just checked the homework’s URLs via Chrome and both URLs worked.
Dr. Brownstone
* * *
Hi Liad!
The course has been completed. I stayed after class to evaluate the exams before handing them in, graded, to your administrative assistant. I met each class for three full academic hours, prepared lectures and homework assignments, provided office hours, evaluated students’ work, and otherwise completed the tasks with which I was charged. Now, I need to be paid. Simply, you owe me $4,000.
Owen Brownstone
* * *
Owen:
Thank you very much. Would you please send me the results of the evaluations so I can give your students their grades.
Liad
* * *
Liad:
Perhaps you overlooked the grades that I handed to your assistant. Each student’s course grade is written and circled on the first page of their final. The uncircled grade on those pages is their final’s score. I’ve already noted as much in an email to you.
When will I receive the salary due to me?
Owen
* * *
Dr. Brownstone:
Hi! It’s Harvey Salem, Liad’s bookkeeper. If you did not yet do so, please send in your hours for the term. Please CC Liad. Nobody can get paid until their hours are in.
Thank you.
Harvey Salem
* * *
Dr. Brownstone:
I forwarded your email to Liad. I will let you know about the payment and about your receipt.
Harvey Salem
* * *
Harvey Salem:
Four months have passed since the end of the term, and I have not yet been paid.
Dr. Owen Brownstone
* * *
Liad Filot:
No, you cannot hold my salary hostage because you do not like the grades that I issued.
However, since I’m due to become a visiting scholar on the other side of the country in a matter of weeks, I did abide by your request to improve Dwayne Gilunk’s grade from a “D” to a “C.” Note that I also elevated all of the other enrollees’ grades by the same amount.
Please send me my salary. I recall that you don’t like litigious actions.
Sincerely,
Dr. Owen Brownstone
Copyright © 2020 by Channie Greenberg
