The Zombie Space Ninja Adventure
by Ásgrímur Hartmannsson
There were only twenty Ninjas left in the world, and they all died on their way to holiday in the Ninja castle in the Alps. The bus driver got bored and fell asleep, and the bus went off a cliff. He never knew they were in the bus with him, as they were so well hidden in the shadows, being Ninjas and all that. Otherwise he’d have talked with them.
Just then, evil warlord Gorkoola from the planet Zmyorwi landed his giant spaceship on the moon and set up his giant space-cannon. He fired the cannon at some famous landmarks around the world, just to get attention. And he demanded the world obey him.
At first the world leaders wondered what to do. But then they remembered the Ninjas. And they thought the Ninjas would save them, so they called the Ninjas. Voice-mail at Ninja Central transferred the call to the morgue, where the janitor answered the phone and told them what had happened.
The world leaders were in despair. Then one of them remembered that he knew a voodoo priest, because we all know that voodoo priests can raise the dead. And they all decided to call him.
The voodoo priest agreed to revive the Ninjas, but only if they gave him a lifetime supply of pizza. The word leaders looked at each other. They conferenced. Then they agreed. And the voodoo priest went and made all the Ninjas into zombies.
And the zombie Ninjas were sent to the moon.
The moon confused the Ninjas. They couldn’t move normally there. They bounced around for a few hours, but it seemed to them that this made them look obvious and non-stealthy. Then one of them recalled a special way to move on the moon: the moonwalk.
The zombie Ninjas stealthily moonwalked to Lord Gorkoola’s moon-base. Nobody noticed them. But the base was defended with automatic lasers. One of the Ninjas, the one who neared the base first, got fried and turned to dust by a laser. The other Ninjas stopped. They walked all the way around the base, throwing rocks into the base’s defence perimeter to see where it lay. The rocks were lasered before they hit the ground. The defence perimeter surrounded the base completely.
The Ninjas used their swords to burrow under the base. They came up in the basement a few days later. The basement was full of fire-breathing moon-spiders. They attacked each other, and there was a huge fire, because the moon-spiders breathed fire in all directions. That caused the sprinkler system to go on, and the basement filled with water, and all the remaining spiders were drowned.
Emerging from the basement the Ninjas found themselves in the moon-base’s main hall. There they met Lord Gorkoola’s secret cyborg moon-calf. It fired its rockets at the Ninjas, blowing up some of them. The Ninjas threw their Ninja-stars at the moon-calf. That angered the moon-calf, but it was out of rockets. It attacked with its horns. And it fought all the Ninjas but one, who sneaked away and went up stairs.
Upstairs the Ninja found Lord Gorkoola. But the Lord knew he was coming and said “Aha, stupid Ninja! I have x-ray eyes, and I can see you! Now I will turn you into a zombie with my zombifying ray!”
And Lord Gorkoola shot the zombie Ninja with his zombifying ray. And the Ninja was stunned. And Gorkoola said, “Now go and kill your friends, the other Ninjas!”
And the Ninja said, “Your zombifying ray doesn’t work on me; I am already a zombie!”
And the zombie Ninja chased Lord Gorkoola around the base but couldn’t catch him by moonwalking. Then Gorkoola went outside and locked the door behind him. He said, “Aha! Now I’ve got you all trapped inside my base! I will just have it self-destruct, and you will all die again. Permanently!”
And then he was lasered by his own perimeter defence.
When the Ninja got back to the main hall, his friends had defeated the cyborg moon-calf and were grilling it in a pot.
When the Ninjas finished eating the cyborg moon-calf, all but the metal parts, they reported their success back to Earth. As payment for their services, they got to keep the moon. They still live... sort of... happily up there.
Copyright © 2020 by Ásgrímur Hartmannsson
