The Chronicle of Belthaeous

by John W. Steele

Chapter 50: A Moment of Doubt

My room had no window, and I remained deep in thought. I rationalized that man is a sinner because the physical body is a prison of cravings impossible to satisfy, and sin is the inevitable consequence of this flawed human machine.

I remembered a story about a starving man who stole a silver candlestick that he might use it to buy bread to feed his children. Before they hanged him, the priest forgave him for his transgression and then reminded him that theft is a mortal sin.

I could never accept that man had fallen from grace; the theomorphic consciousness was trapped in this place by a cunning and evil creator who used the pretext of sin to perpetuate endless rebirth in the hell of his design.

Why were divine beings created evil? They could not have been; it would serve no purpose. Only the demiurgos was capable of such a miracle, and his demonic race controls his counterfeit creation.

Without sufferance of corruption, there is no way to survive in this evil world. But I knew as well there is a vast difference between sin and evil, and that one often has nothing to do with the other. At this juncture of my life, I felt far more in need of liberation than salvation.

I did not want to rest. I knew that the second I closed my eyes, Belthaeous would enter my head. I opened my laptop and worked on equations. Mathematics always pacified my mind. I often struggled with theorems to ease the pain of thought and numb the sensation of boredom associated with a life that offered no lasting fulfillment.

The door bell chimed, and I heard the snap of the lock bolt. Malcolm walked into the room. His effervescent smile eased my anxiety.

“Let’s see how you look, Dr. Neumann. Stand up, please.” He looked me over carefully. “You’re a brilliant man, but you don’t always pay attention to the elements of style. Of course, that’s why I’ve been assigned to look after you.”

He hummed a tune quietly beneath his breath. With meticulous precision, he adjusted my tie and whisked away a particle of lint from my shoulder.

“If I may say so, sir, you look superb. The cut of this suit is impeccable. I don’t see how anyone could resist you.”

He adjusted the collar and smoothed the lapel. From the pocket of his pleated dress pants, he pulled out a fine gold pocket watch and checked the time. “We’re right on schedule; less than two hours to show time. Are you ready?”

“No. I’m just stubborn,” I said.

“Excellent. Let’s go.”

We headed down a long aisle filled with Enukai agents. There must have been a hundred of them stationed along the walls. Many of them were armed, and all of them looked threatening. Malcolm and I marched through the gauntlet until we arrived at an atrium at the end of the hallway. One door stood at the far end of the circular wall.

“Dr. Whithers awaits, my friend. You have an hour before you must arrive at the General Assembly.” He smiled. “Do be punctual. I don’t have to explain what it means to Dr. Nacroanus.” When our eyes met, he lowered his gaze.

The Enukai stood at the perimeter of the chamber. It was as if an invisible line had been drawn that they dared not cross. Some of them stared out the window at the New York skyline. Others glared at me intently, like ravenous beasts confined in an invisible cage. I walked over to the door and raised my arm to ring the bell. As soon as I did, it slid open.

Mindy sat at the end of an oval conference table. Its top was made of pink granite and the light reflected from its surface with a soft, pleasing luster.

As usual, she was a vision of pure loveliness. But tonight, as I gazed at the exquisite proportions of her body and the perfected intricacies of her features, I realized she was something akin to a celestial being incarnate in this hell. I felt stunned by her beauty. Her presence enamored me on a deep and even spiritual level.

She motioned to me with her finger to enter. “My, but you look dashing tonight, Dr. Neumann. Come over and sit down. We have much to discuss.”

I sat across from her. She started to speak, but I cut her off. “You know, Mindy, we’ve worked together for a long time. You’ve never let me down. I’m very fond of you, and I hope you feel the same about me.”

She eyed me warmly and touched my hand. “I do,” she said.

A chill entered the air and a faint trace of sulphonomides wafted somewhere at the borders of my olfactory perception.

Mindy’s face wrinkled. “What’s that? It’s gross.”

“Mindy, pay attention. This is probably the most important night of our lives. I’ve never been so confused, and I need someone to talk to. I don’t know how much you know about what is going to happen tonight, but I don’t believe you understand the significance of what I have to do.”

She folded her hands and rested them on the desktop. “Adrian tells me what he wants me to know. But Belthaeous has showed me what’s really going on. I had no real idea of Adrian’s motives until the Avatar began to channel me.”

“We don’t have a lot of time. Just what is it you are supposed to share with me?” I asked.

“It’s nothing, really. I don’t know why he made such a fuss about it. When Adrian finishes his address to the assembly, he will raise his arm. That will be the signal for you to release the bolus of Eternulum. All you need to do is turn on the infusion pump, and the catheter leading to the Archon’s heart will pump the plasma into his blood. Dr. Nacroanus will adjust the solution from the podium.”

He’s always been overly meticulous,” I said. “Sometimes I think he’s suffers with OCD, but it’s a quirk of his genius, I suppose.”

Mindy’s face stiffened and her eyes burned. “Rodney, let’s knock off the bulldust. You’ve rehearsed this procedure a dozen times. You know the real reason I’m here. I convinced Nacroanus you needed to be interrogated to be sure you weren’t planning to do anything foolish.

“He knows you trust me. That’s the only reason he allowed me to meet you. I told him I would betray you if you revealed anything that might sabotage our mission. But I insisted that I would meet with you only if he assured me the room wasn’t wired. Time is running out, I need you to give me the Eye.”

A shot of adrenalin surged through me and my heart responded with a resounding thump. “We’ve already discussed this. Belthaeous has made his wishes clear to me, as well. You’re not the only one who can hear him. I’m growing very tired of all this. Why do you believe him?”

She cleared her throat gently. “You know more about the counterfeit creation than I do. The demons and aliens swarm all over you. How can you not believe what Belthaeous is channeling to us?”

We shared a moment of silence. I took a deep breath. “I don’t know what I believe anymore. The knowledge that has awakened in me resonates on a far deeper level than any of the conditioning I’ve been indoctrinated with. It’s become impossible to accept the deception in the affairs of the rulers on this plane any longer. Their arrogance grows deeper and more obvious every day.

“The world is so evil, it’s nauseating. But on a sunny day everything seems right, and I ask myself how can this creation be flawed? I know the world is about to be devoured by darkness, but evil is so perfected that I don’t where the enemy is hiding.”

Mindy looked at me, her eyes soft with empathy. “I understand. Belthaeous told me the physical creation is flawed because it is so far removed from the true Light that it has crystallized into matter, and matter is evil. He speaks of an earlier ethereal dimension that existed before the Usurper sealed off and defiled this sector of the cosmos.”

Mindy stood and paced slowly beneath an abstract mural painted on the wall. “Maybe it’s me you can’t trust. I know you think I’m Adrian’s pet, but our relationship was deeper than that. I wanted to love him, but he was impossible to love. He didn’t expose his dark side to me until I was hopelessly in love with the image he created. We never—”

I interrupted her. “Are you sure you want to tell me this? I don’t want to know any more about him. I know too much already.”

She lowered her head. “Yes, of course. Please try and understand, Rodney, you and I are the same inside. One of the reasons I was content to remain underground is that the caverns of the earth protected me from the horrors on the surface. But when Belthaeous entered my life, it was as if I’d been healed of blindness, and for the first time I could see. I have learned so much from him that I will never be the same inside.”

“Learned or accepted? How do you know his plan is not another deception of Darkness?” I asked.

Mindy eyed me intently. “In the end, you have no choice, Rodney, you know that. Once you begin to awaken, there is no turning back. The world becomes a black hole, and you can no longer tolerate the illusion. Gnosis does not arrive with a caress, it emerges like a volcano. For a while, I thought I’d lost my mind.

“I no longer care what others believe or think. The wisdom of my beloved requires no faith. Its proof exists in the world around us and is readily apparent to anyone who is willing to look outside the prison of their conditioning. Belthaeous is my twin flame and his heart is filled with Light.”

“Your twin flame, huh? What if the man is a fraud? If I give him the Eye and he’s evil, where’s the burden going to land? On me, as usual. One mistake will rest on my shoulders forever. I will be the one who handed the power of Mammon to a supernatural being, thus creating a monster of celestial proportions.

“The world is controlled by a force that is exceedingly evil, a force profoundly intelligent and cunning. If I am wrong about whom I should trust, does nobody pay the price but me?”

“But, Rodney, you don’t understand. The heart of Belthaeous is of the Light. He is of the Divine essence, not opposed to it. I love him and am destined to merge with him.”

I slammed my fist on the table. “Don’t you understand? Emotional love is part of the problem! People will murder, lie, steal, and betray while under the influence of emotion. Many lose their mind because emotional programming overpowers their judgment. The hormonal programming that controls the body is a raging inferno of mind control.

“I’m in love too, but emotional love is a form of insanity, a counterfeit mind-state created by Mammon to further enslave the Light. It’s part of the curse.

“As far as I know, the Buddha was the only one able to transcend the fetter of the emotions. They claim he was an enlightened master, and yet he gave away his wife and son to beggars. The more I learn, the more confused I become. Who the hell knows if the Buddha even existed?

“This whole mess is a scam of cosmic proportions, and man is so broken that all he can do is pray that it will change. But evil has sealed that exit as well; man is forced to pray to the god that created this hell. It can never change. It’s about to get a lot worse!”

Mindy took my hand, her eyes filled with empathy. “The stress is beginning to affect you, Rodney. You sound irrational. You’re not being reasonable.”

“No, I’m being entirely rational. You want me to accept the mythological entity you adore based on your faith in him, and faith is what’s left when men are blinded.

“I know his past and his actions speak far louder than his words. The Aeon of time smothers the deeds of men but the awakened never forget. I cannot trust him. I will not trust him. I will not deliver the Eye to something I do not trust.”

Mindy stood frozen, a shattered look in her features. “You’re a fool, Dr. Neumann, a selfish, paranoid fool.”

Her barb stung, and I lowered my head. “Is that all you see in me, Mindy? Has your love blinded you so that you cannot understand what I’m going through?”

The meaning of the Archon’s prophecy flashed like a beacon in my skull and I understood. I reached into my pocket and removed the Eye. I held it in front of me in the palm of my hand. “Is this what you want? Come over here and take it. I want you to give it to your lover.”

Mindy’s eyes grew large and her face beamed with wonder. Like a wary animal she walked towards me, her steps short and hesitant. “It’s... it’s beautiful!” she exclaimed.

“Here, take this cursed thing. I don’t care what happens. I am just a flesh and blood man. I’m no match for the supreme power of evil.”

Her face shone with awe. She stepped closer and tried to raise her arm.

“What’s the matter?” I screamed. “Here is the treasure you crave. Take it. Take it!”

Her eyes grew vacant and her body petrified. “I can’t move my arms, I feel... paralyzed.”

There it was: the final strap in my camisole. The door of my malediction slammed shut, sealing me in the final prophecy of the Chronicle of Belthaeous. “The curse is on me and me alone,” I said. I placed the icon back in the pocket of my jacket.

Mindy rubbed her arms and flexed her legs. “That was horrible. What are you going to do?” she asked.

“There are situations in life that have no answer, circumstances and pitfalls that have no exit and can only be endured. This is one of them. I’m not going to do anything until the Light shows me the way. I’m going to allow it to unfold naturally.”

“Belthaeous is of the Light. Let him show you the way,” Mindy said.

“The only Light I need shines within. I will give my Light to no one,” I said. “My Light is not for sale. It is the only part of me worth... It is me.”

Mindy lowered her head and sighed. “Then I pray the Light reveals the way to you. I know I am enamored of Belthaeous. I honestly don’t know whom to believe, either.

“If this whole charade is all there is, and if Belthaeous is a fraud, then I will take my own life. In my heart I know the True Light Creator is unfathomably sweet. But if I am wrong and he is nothing more than the monster he seems to be, I will at long last understand my purpose. Of what value is a heart whose only solace is pain?”

Our eyes met and we shared a long hungry look. I knew Mindy was sincere all the way through, and that we were the same. Like magnets, we slid into each other’s arms and kissed tenderly. I held her close and her body quivered. “How terrible is this separation, so complete and so heartless,” she said.

She looked longingly into my eyes. “Loneliness is the greatest hell.”

I saw the inner beauty of her heart, a heart forsaken and alone. “I’ve always loved you, Mindy, but there was never any—”

She placed her finger on my lips, then pulled me to her and kissed my brow. She looked deep into my eyes, and abruptly lowered her gaze.

“Maybe somewhere, in another lifetime,” I said. I forced myself to let her go.

We stood in silence for a moment, like fragments of a shattered mirror. I did not want to face the future, a future of endless challenges forever fixed. This moment of rapture passed and the war returned with dire vengeance.

“All I know for certain is that Adrian is a monster and that he must be destroyed. I don’t know what’s going to happen tonight, Mindy, but I know we’re not alone.”

To be continued...