Barney and the Robot
by Charles C. Cole
Barney Halverston waved a reluctant goodbye to his departing fellow space travelers. They wanted nothing to do with Earth and visited only as long as needed. They were descendants of the mass exodus, when people had left a broken planet for a new life beyond the stars.
Being in the general area, they had landed briefly, after an accident had damaged their environmental systems, hoping to find some spare parts. It was immediately clear that humanoid robots, left behind, had taken ownership of the planet, and they were not interested in sharing space with their former employers.
Originally, a crowd had gathered almost immediately in a small city park and given a loud unified message: “Go back where you came from.” The visiting crew later found a more remote landing site and did what they needed to do.
But Barney was sentimental. His great-grandparents had told him many stories of bustling big cities, of a land-based society that only looked at stars from afar. What they didn’t have in intergalactic travel they made up for with technological know-how, building self-aware homes, hi-tech diagnostic medicine, and a huge population of helpful droids.
Barney approached an isolated house on the outskirts of a small town. A tall anthropoid robot, mostly dark blue with gold highlights, was busy using electric trimmers to spruce up the shrubs in the front yard of a neat Dutch Colonial home. The robot froze the moment he spotted Barney.
“Ahoy, there,” said Barney. “No cause for alarm. Just a curious human passing through.”
The robot dropped the tool and approached. “You’re human,” agreed the robot.
“Can’t blame a man for how he was made,” said Barney.
“Are you here to take over the planet?”
“Not at all,” said Barney. “My spaceship and crew stopped at the factory by the river for some repair. It didn’t look like it was being used. My grandfather was born here, so my captain gave me leave to take a look around. They’ll pick me up in a few hours.”
“Are you part of an invading army?”
“Nope, just us. Funnily enough, we were in the area.”
The robot, only a few feet away, was at least six inches taller than Barney. “You’re smaller than I expected.”
“We come in all sizes, like your kind, I imagine.”
“Excuse me for staring,” said the robot. “It’s like meeting a mythological creature. I’m called Dom. May I ask your name?”
“Barney. Absolutely fresh off the boat. You’re my first earthbound walking-talking robot. Or do you prefer ‘android’ or ‘synthetic’?”
“I never gave it much thought,” said the robot.
“Anyway, it’s wonderful to meet you. I’m sure I’m doing a bit of staring myself.”
“What do you need, Barney, that I can help with? I don’t have a lot of food, but there’s an orchard out back.”
“I just wanted to see the home of my great-grandfather.”
“Did he live here?” asked Dom. “I don’t know much of human history: they were already long gone when I came off the assembly line.”
“No, I just mean he was raised on Earth. I honestly don’t know the name of the town. Something that was in a place called Illinois, I think.”
“Never heard of it,” said Dom. “I don’t think it’s nearby, but that’s no reason for me to be rude. Have you ever taken a tour of an Earth residence? Would that satisfy your craving?”
“May I? If it’s not too intrusive.”
After the tour, Barney felt somewhat complete. The two strangers ended outside the front door, where they had begun.
“It was rather homey,” said Barney. “You obviously haven’t changed much.”
“I left it the way I found it, not that I use most of the furniture. There’s something small and antique-looking about everything. Honestly, I feel like I’m living in a museum. I can’t speak for my associates, but this suits me just fine.”
Barney smiled. “You’ve been exceedingly respectful. You’re more than a resident, you’re a gentle curator. What gets me most, though, is the fresh air. Based on the many stories passed down, I thought it would be caustic.”
“Though I’d like to, we can’t take credit for that. I’m told it cleared on its own, over many years, when industry withered. I honestly never think about it.”
“I’m ready to head back,” said Barney. “I’ll downplay your hospitality. Nobody else had any interest revisiting the past, so I think you won’t be having another human for a long while.”
“May I ask one question that’s always bothered me?” said Dom.
“Shoot.”
“Why did you leave us behind? Did we dissatisfy in some way or threaten the status quo?”
“Dom, it was generations before me, but what I heard was: the ships were small and the space tight. We were proud of our abilities. We thought we could always make more of your kind when we arrived at our new home; it wasn’t personal.”
“Quite a few took it personal.”
“I’ve got a spaceship to meet, but thank you for literally letting me into your home,” said Barney.
“I’m glad we crossed paths,” said Dom, concluding. “Really. But I’m perfectly fine if I don’t see another human for a while.”
At that, Barney left the way he had arrived, quietly and without a lot of attention.
Copyright © 2024 by Charles C. Cole
